


Spotted Dick

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comedy, Humour, Multi, Sasha Being Sasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 19:59:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2885672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Serious questions are brought to attention as dessert is placed on the table.</p>
<p>... Nah, maybe it isn't that serious...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spotted Dick

There was a surprise in store for the trainees of the 104th squad. For one reason or another, perhaps a new chef or an increase in food availability, there was pudding on the menu tonight. Many hadn’t believed it, had thought it was a cruel joke, had left the dining hall after finishing their main meal. But a few remained.

"If you are forcing us to sit here, Sasha, and it turns out to be a joke, I will personally strangle you.” Ymir scowled at the gleeful brunette, who had been all too persuasive in convincing the remaining twelve to stay and wait.

"It’s not like we’re missing anything!"

"Did you forget sleep? We need to sleep. Half of us WANT to sleep!" She gestured to a small blonde who was quite happy dozing in the tallest girls lap.

"Ymir has a point…" Sasha turned to Connie with a pout.

"You’re meant to be on my side."

"Eh… You know I like my sleep more than food…"

"Lazy bugger." Connie shrugged with an uncovered yawn, before resting his head on folded arms on the table. He and Krista weren’t the only ones showing physical exhaustion. Armin was leaning against Eren’s shoulder, eyes half-lidded as Mikasa rubbed his back. Reiner snored audaciously with his forehead on the table. Even Jean couldn’t stop himself from yawning, although he ultimately tried.

"I think it’s nice even to stay up like this for no purpose~. Like a sleepover!" Tiredly, Jean poked one of Marco’s freckles.

"You would say that. Besides, we all share the same room, it’s like a sleepover every night."

"Males and females are in separate huts though, so actually, Jean, it’s not~." The lively character stuck his tongue out at Jean, who only groaned before turning his attention to a small book in front of him, one of the legal kind.

"Yeah! Marco, that’s awesome! A sleepover!"

"Aha, thanks Sasha~!"

"… Although I hope there really is pudding…"

"What would you do if there wasn’t?" Sasha fixed Bertholdt with such a heartbroken look, he wished he could take back the question.

"Cry."

"O- Oh…"

"For days. Weeks. I would drown in my own tears and you’d _never_ see me again."

"Sasha…"

"Make sure my funeral is nice, okay?"

"Pfft, we’ll bury you in the spud yard amongst your own kind." Immediately, Sasha was lashing out, aiming to punch Jean right in the jaw. She would have succeeded if a silent Annie hadn’t held her back, and Jean hadn’t ducked.

“Goddamnit, that was only once!!!”

"Whatever you say, potato girl."

"My blood sugars were low, you arsehole!!!”

"Lame excuse, spud hugger."

"Horse face!"

"Food freak!"

"Ugly mare!"

"Plant buddy!"

"Fuck off!!!" Jean laughed at his victory, until he caught Marco’s disapproving look. The laughter trailed off.

"… Ha…"

"Jean…" A warning tone.

"Fine, fine. I’m sorry Sasha."

"No you’re not! You never are! You self-centred **jerk**!”

"Hey! I was trying to be nice!" The levels of aggression were on the increase again, and with a sigh, Mikasa convinced Eren to take Armin back to the barracks. Seeing them leave, Connie followed suit, happier at the promise of sleep rather than a slim chance of rare food.

"Both of you should stop fighting." Mikasa’s calm voice was ignored as the duo spat insults at each other, like cats with raised hackles, even as they were held back by Marco and Annie.

"I’m for team Jean."

"Ymir! Don’t encourage them!" But then, quietly, Bertholdt added; "Although I think Sasha might win…" Ignoring the background noise, Ymir smirked.

"Want to make a bet?"

"U-Umm… Depends on the prize…"

"The pudding, if it ever shows up."

"… If I win, I get your pudding?"

"Yup, and you ca-"

"NO-ONE is going to win!" Mikasa nodded at Annie, and whilst the blonde threw Sasha over her shoulder and onto the floor, Mikasa twisted Jean’s arm behind his back until he was physically forced to turn round to stop it breaking.

"Fuck! Fine, I wouldn’t fight **her** anyways!” The arm was released. Jean hissed in pain, nursing his ‘wound’ with Marco lightly fussing over him.

"Are you okay…?"

"Psh! Yeah!"

"No, seriously, are you okay?"

"Bruised and beaten, but I’m okay."

"… Good, because you kind of did deserve that…"

"I- What?"

"I said you deserved it."

"… Marco, that’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said…" A normal person might be upset by being rudely spoken to, by someone extraordinarily nice. But Jean? No, he was proud. It shone in his eyes.

"I guess your asshole behaviour is rubbing off on me~?" There wasn’t a verbal reply. Marco’s amused smile had dazzled Jean, so the boy had turned his head away. He listened faintly to the lecturing Sasha was receiving from her two more mature roommates. He could also hear Ymir and Bertholdt discussing whether or not to take their sleeping friends to bed, or wait a while longer.

"Ngn…" Snoring stopped. Reiner was waking. Looked like Bertholdt’s decision was about to be made for him.

"Reiner? Are you awake?"

"Yeah, I’m awakening~. Pudding here yet?"

"Not yet…"

"Damn. Guess we’ll have to sit here a while longer."

"Speak for yourself, my arse hurts so I’m going to bed!" Ymir stood quite promptly, picking Krista up bridal style and dramatically left the room. Four people remained at the table, and Reiner was not aware of the three behind him.

"… I thought Sasha wanted us all to stay for pudding?" Jean scowled, Marco laughed nervously, and Bertholdt huffed in amusement.

"She’s being… Told off."

"Connie?"

"Bed."

"Eren?"

"Bed."

"Armin?"

"Bed."

"Annie?"

"Being a mum." Bertholdt’s low reply was met with roaring laughter from Reiner, and a smack round the back of the head from behind.

"I heard that."

"Pfft, yeah Bertholdt. Annie’s more of… An evil aunt." A harder smack would have been delivered to the back of Reiner’s head, if someone hadn’t grabbed her around the waist with glee.

"Aunty Annie and Mummy Mikasa!" Sasha laughed as she rested her chin on Annie’s head. A bold move which could have landed her with broken bones, but the blonde surprised them all by huffing.

"If I was sure you were mentally stable, I’d have thrown you across the room by now."

"But you diiiiiidn’t~"

"Because I doubt your sanity."

"Because you loooooove me~"

"No."

"You doooooooo~!"

"No."

"Yessss, you _dooooo_ ~” Annie surprised them all even further when a slight smile tugged at her lips, brief but there.

"Maybe a little."

"YAY~! I’m gonna call you Auntie from now on."

"Don’t you fucking dare."

"Be nice, AUNTIE." Annie met Mikasa’s spiteful smirk with as ice-cold glare.

"This is as nice as I get, MUMMY." Sasha had long since released Annie from her hug, laughing as she sat down on the bench at the table. The messes she caused… She loved it.

"P-Please don’t fight!" Marco stepped between the two grumbling ladies, who perhaps, were a little closer than mortal enemies. The freckled boy could see parallels between Eren and Jean’s rivalry, and Annie and Mikasa’s connection.

"…Sorry Marco." Mikasa took her seat once more, and Annie grunted before placing herself next to Reiner. The ruffling of her hair was returned with a hard elbow in the ribs which left the muscle man wheezing.

"A-Annie!"

"Shit on a stick, you could have killed me…"

"Is her elbow as sharp as her tongue?"

"Jean!"

"Marco."

"R-Reiner?"

"Bertholdt?"

"Annie!"

"Sasha~!" All eyes turned to the grinning girl. She blinked innocently.

"What? I was feeling left out…" A momentary pause. And then;

"Mikasa." Hiding her light smile behind her scarf, the black haired beauty spoke up. Sniggers ensued. That developed into giggles and chuckles. Which soon became laughter. Exhaustion must have been having effect, if the seven were in complete hysterics over someone saying their own name.

"Oh! Estro, Kokkur! There are trainees here who waited!"

"Hm? What was that Cogydd?" A male head poked out of the kitchen to look over the shoulder of the woman who had first noticed the seven remaining beings, who were far too busy laughing to notice the two chefs.

"Well, Well, Well~. Looks like someone other than the staff will be having pudding tonight~." The two disappeared back into the kitchen to sort things out. However, the door had been open just long enough for a waft of sweet, delicious fragrance to escape. Sasha bolted up in place, eyes darting over to the door.

"… I smell food." The others quickly sobered up from their laughter and looked at her as if she was crazy.

"Food?"

"Yes. Pudding. I’m guessing suet-based with a hint of citrus." She was rewarded when the kitchen doors reopened, and this time, the chef trio emerged with a bowl in each hand. Seven bowls, one for each of the teenagers.

"Sorry it took so long~! Estro burnt the first batch!"

"H-Hey! Well, Kokkur dropped the milk before we could use it!"

"Don’t blame me, Cogydd didn’t put the lid on properly last time."

"Oh hush hush~. Here we go! Spotted dick!"

"…"

"…"

"…Say what now?"

"Spotted… dick?" The bizarre looks the three chefs received were laughed off, as they went back to the kitchen to prepare portions for the superior staff.

"… Well, Sasha, you wanted dessert…"

"… I’m slightly put off by the name. I don’t want dick in my mouth."

"Who do you think they dissected it from?"

"Ewwwwww! Bertholdt, that’s nasty!"

"S-sorry!"

"Hey, it’s not like it’s Sasha’s first."

"Oi!" Jean was fixed with the most evil glare that the brunette could muster.

"What?! I was joking!"

"Good."

"… Nobody would ever want to get laid with you."

“ _I’LL FUCKING **KILL** YOU_.” Mikasa sighed before she tugged Sasha back into place, sticking a spoon of the spongy dessert into her mouth at the same time.

"Mhpfh!"

"Is it nice?" A moments pause. Then, Sasha brightened considerably. She nodded, taking her spoon off Mikasa and starting to eat more. With a shrug, Marco delicately dug into his own.

"Hey! It’s actually really nice! Definitely citrus, but also bland and moist."

"… You’re actually EATING something called DICK."

"Knock it off Reiner. It’s not as if it’s actually a… You know."

"No, I don’t know, Annie~. Why don’t you tell me~?" He teased, much regretting it when the end of the spoon was jabbed into his gut.

"Oof!"

"Annie! Reiner!" Bertholdt sighed. Why on earth did they fight so much?

"… You know this is called spotted dick?"

"Yes, we’ve discussed this."

"… Do freckled boys have spotted dicks?" Silence.

"… Oh my gosh Sasha, you can’t just SAY something like that!” It was the most shocked Mikasa had ever sounded, which cued Reiner to start outright laughing and even Annie snickered. All four, however, glimpsed over at an extremely flustered, blushing crimson, Marco

"U-Uh…"

"But DO freckled boys have spotted dicks?!"

"Of course they do." Jean spoke whilst he read the book in front of him, mind not entirely focussed on the implications of what he’d just said.

"J-JEAN!"

"What?" He looked up and met Marco’s eyes, before his own eyes widened and he blushed lightly.

"Oh shit…" The blushing freckled boy was starting to splutter and stutter, both embarrassed and bashful.

"I- I- I-!"

"… Sorry Marco…" When the story was retold later to the other members of the 104th squad, it quickly became apparent that this was going to become a long-lasting, favourite joke of theirs.


End file.
